This is an email that is truth that has needed to be said. An email I have feared sharing because I was afraid.
Afraid of being hurt.
Afraid of losing any more children.
A-F-R-A-I-D!!
No More!
This story began in 2008 with the very unexpected adoption of a very premature and sick baby right here in Texas that I would be blessed to call my son. Mason would know our love here on Earth for only 3 short weeks before going up to play in God's playground. That is pain and anguish no parent should ever know. Yes, people saw me cry and grieve but deep within me there was something stirring that I tried hard to avoid.
Mason's anniversary of his passing would find our family committed to adopt 3 children we had found through a ministry, not agency, known as Reece's Rainbow. We would go on to bring our triplets (not biological) home in May 2010. Our passion was lit and we began advocating and raising money for children who were listed on Reece's Rainbow (RR). At that time I will admit that I did not know there were so many other organizations who were advocating for orphans with special needs. We knew only what we had experienced.
Soon we found ourselves advocating for a sweet little girl who at the time was listed as Tori on RR. Not one person came forward (that is what we were told) to adopt her and when learned of a little girl's death in an orphanage in Ukraine, a death that was totally preventable, I cried out to God why?! Yes, I did question God. I questioned why would people be so cruel. I will not pretend I never question God because I do. And I ask Him to forgive me. Just as I question Him as to why the pain we have gone through lately. But He still loves me just the same as anyone else. We would go on to commit to this precious girl and another little one that our friend, Stephanie Nance had shared with me about.
I wish I could say that our adoption the second time around was as good as our first adoption but it wasn't. Right away in country we were yelled at and berated by Serge, the facilitator used by RR. He called us up and screamed at us for 10 minutes before I asked him to shut up and listen to the truth. Turns out the driver misunderstood that we decided to go down to our region early so we could do a little touring of the area our daughters were from. And we had two other adoptive families who were with us in our apartment who heard every word that was said to us. Once in region we first visited our sweet Carrington who was in terrible condition. Then we would go back to Kiev for our 2nd appointment to then visit Reagan. We were told that Reagan's director was awful, a witch, and that the conditions of the orphanage were atrocious. Reagan was probably laying in her own feces etc..We were scared of this lady to say the least. Not one person had ever adopted from this place. The meeting went cautiously well and we would be allowed to visit Reagan and the director would make her decision. That was all we asked for. On our first alone visit we were kindly offered by a gal her services of translating so we could not only get to know our daughter (who was cognitively able to speak with us in Russian) but also so the director could get to know us as well. We welcomed the opportunity for the director to know the hearts of our family. We were so excited to be able to communicate with Reagan. That day we had been in the orphanage only 5 minutes before we received a call from Serge. Brian answered it and was trying desperately to get a word in edge wise. Finally he handed the phone to me with a screaming voice on the other end. It was Serge. I took the call outside in 10* weather so as not to make a scene and Brian continued the visit with Reagan and the sweet girl translating. Serge screamed and yelled at me for 15 minutes accusing me of sabotaging the whole adoption process and acting like since I knew everything I had hired an interpreter and now the director was so furious when she saw us walk in. He went on to tell me to shut up when I tried to say something to let him know we hired no one. He also told me "you are responsible for all those children's deaths" and then passed the phone off to Marina who was another facilitator where she also yelled and screamed at me. They finished the conversation by telling me that they were stopping our adoption and that since I though I knew it all I could just try and finish this by myself. Mind you they already had all of our money ($13,500). I was hysterical and shaking. I went inside where everyone wanted to know what had happened. I tried to explain. The secretary told me "the director is not even here so how could she say that to your facilitator?" We tried to finish our visit and I was also trying to get ahold of my friend in the states to have her get ahold of Andrea Roberts. Andrea went on to say that she did not think Serge meant any of that and that he just had a temper. She would talk to him. We received a phone call 12 hours later from Serge saying "did you say this and did you say that to Andrea?" I stood my ground and answered him yes I did because he did say those things. He told us he would finish our adoption but that we were not to go anywhere or talk to anyone for the remainder of our time there or he would stop again. Once again we had another family with us athat heard the whole conversation. Now it has been said by Andrea Roberts, founder of RR, to other families who question her about our experience that "the Burmans made this all up in their heads". I do not know why she would say such a thing when she was not even there other than to discredit us and save the image of her organization. This was not made aware to me until much later after our adoption.
During the conference in San Antonio I sat down with Andrea trying to figure out what was going on with this group of people she said were out to ruin her and that one of which was Satan herself. I also was getting to know this group she was referring to and offered to try and find out what they wanted and share that with Andrea. When I did she simply said she could not do the things she was being asked. I do have that list of questions and honestly they were not impossible requests. I really wanted, like so many people, just to get these children out of sheer living hell that they were in. I wanted them to find families so they could grow and be loved.
Last year we were finishing up our Bulgarian adoption of Teagan and Kelten. My daughter and I had traveled with our very good friend Jenny Sousa-Brown to Pleven, Bulgaria for our week long visit with the boys. Each day Jenny, Madelaine and I would pray for God to do amazing things with our time there and honestly, HE DID!! Not only did we enjoy our visit together but we also were blessed to be able to change, love on and see so many other children. Many of the children had families in process for them. I did not use About A Child adoption agency even though Andrea repeatedly asked me to use them. I did not ever give permission to Shelley Bedford or anyone at that agency to talk about my adoption. I was using Deborah Huebner at Little Miracles here in Texas. There were many parents who asked Jenny and I to get pictures of their children or to at least try to check on them and so we did. I would say we rather enjoyed our time there. No the conditions were not good. They were awful!! But we were trying to do our best to not make things worse and we actually came alongside many of the caregivers and were changing diapers and feeding children we had no idea who they were. WE were just elated to be doing so. We were also asked to find out as much information as we could about the children so the facilitators of Elena and Toni could get the files of those children and find them families. We did that. We were able to find names and birthdates of many many children and we passed that information on to Shelley Bedford, Susanna Musser, and Toni and Elena. We honestly thought this would be helping the children. Our visit was soon over and we were heading back home. My facilitator was Elena. When we arrived home Elena began asking me for the remainder of the payment due her. I had no idea that that payment was actually not to be paid until AFTER court so we sent the remainder of the payment to her (which according to Hague regulation is wrong. Our paperwork was sent in to USCIS before I even reached US soil so as to keep things moving as fast as we could.
Now let me back track a bit here. Prior to our departure in March 2012, our family was the victim of our speech therapist, Patricia Martinez of Monkey Mouth Therapy, falsely reporting us to CPS for medical neglect of our adopted children (only the ones who were unable to speak) and for not following doctor's orders on how to properly feed Carrington and Owen thus trying to kill them. These claims came on the heel of our stopping speech services with her due to her demanding we do a procedure on Carrington know as Vital Stim therapy (to which our pediatrician said no and would not sign the orders and we agreed) and to have Owen retested for a swallow study because she thought that the doctors at Cook Children Hospital did not know what they were doing. At that time we felt like she was getting way too controlling of our children and told her that we appreciate what she had done for our children but at this time we no longer needed her services. So we all of a sudden have a CPS worker at our door interviewing us. This worker could not believe such allegations could be made against us as she was witnessing the only way our children could eat (via gtube) and saw first hand what my children, Carrington in particular, looked like when they first arrived home versus that moment. I told her we were in the middle of an international adoption and should we notify anyone (we had no clue how to handle this since we had never been investigated before) and she told us "not unless you are found guilty of the charges." Ok, so we just went on with our days. By the way, every doctor at Cook Children's Hospital and our pediatrician as well as anyone interviewed totally backed our family and everything we were doing for our children. Case closed!
Also we were fortunate enough to receive into our home a beautiful baby boy whose parents were making a decision as to whether or not they would be able to parent him. We were not fostering and we had not adopted him. We saw nothing wrong with taking care of this little guy until a decision was legally made as to where he would be raised.
Many people who know our sweet Evelyn know she has so many issues she deals with on a daily basis. She has been under the care of a neurodevelopmental pediatrician who finally made the conclusion that in order for Evelyn's safety from herself she would need to be institutionalized. That would not even be considered by us and so she suggested respite for Evelyn while I was to be away in Bulgaria bringing our boys home. A very good friend offered to watch Evelyn and observe maybe some triggers for her behavior. Something that sometimes parents cannot see while in the midst of things. I left to take Evelyn to my friends for a period of 3 weeks and would return to bring her home as I entered the country with her two newest brothers. Well, our (now former) caregiver, Glennda Bayron-who had been in our home and a part of our family for close to 8 months, would falsely report that we had given Evelyn up for adoption in order to make room for our two boys. My social worker, Jenna Howard of Adoption Access, called me up to report that she had received "anonymous" phone calls alerting her to this and other things. I begged of her to go to my home and see those things were not true. She would not and never would. Our world shattered. Both Deborah Huebner and Jenna Howard would not even check into those allegations. They even spoke with my friend who told them NO WAY was I giving Evelyn to them for adoption. But that would not matter. Jenna also would tell me days later that she was receiving call after call alerting her to my inability to parent my children and take care of their daily basic needs. One proof of that was that my son was always wearing only underwear because I could not afford to buy him clothes. Really? Why don't you try calling the folks at Gymboree who can attest to how many clothes I buy from there or better yet stop and see that Ethan gets hot easily and it was 100* plus here in Texas so of course he was wearing only underwear. I asked everyone to come see those things were not true. I asked who would say such things and Jenna only told me that they were anonymous phone calls.
Thus began our 6 month long battle to bring our boys home. We first started immediately with contacting USCIS and asking what to do. We were told to get a new home study and social worker as well as an agency to appeal the decision. We were told that Bulgaria put our adoption on hold until we could appeal the decision. The strange thing was that our social worker Jenna, told us our adoption was stopped and Elena told us the MOJ was going to make a decision. Both of these things we would find out later were lies. I went about calling agencies to try and find someone who would help us but they all had heard about the situation already and were not able to help us. How did they hear about this when it only happened the day before? Finally, finally, Nina Thompson of Children's House International agreed to at least look over the situation and talk to her supervisor. She would call us the next day and agree to be our agency. At this time we also had a social worker who started our new home study immediately. That social worker was Eileen Stancuckas. On June 18th I received an email from Shelley Bedford, who by the way had no permission to know of our situation, telling me that she was going to relist my boys since we lost them. She also said that Andrea Roberts agreed to list them on RR. I told her that she couldn't do that because they were our boys. She told me that we had not passed court so the boys were not ours. I emailed Andrea about this and her response was that she knew nothing of it. Well then why did Shelley Bedford say you did? And wait, how did Shelley Bedford know anything of our situation. I immediately called the US Embassy and reported this. Apparently they did indeed call Shelley because she would later say to someone who asked if they could pray for our situation "all I know is that because of the Burmans I am now having to talk with the US Embassy."
As we fought tirelessly to meet the deadline given to us by USCIS little things started being made aware to us. Conversations were being had about our family and what all had happened. How could this be when we had not shared this with anyone? Amanda Unroe kept badgering me to find out where we were in process and I politely kept telling her we would leave when all things were done. Finally one day I had enough of her lying to me and her calling me a liar and I told her she better stop it because she had no business doing what she was doing. You see, I was given tons of information including emails and PM on FB showing that Amanda Unroe and Shelley Bedford were seeking families to adopt Teagan since Amanda decided she was going to adopt Kelten. I have those messages and emails. About A Child director was made aware of this by the person who had given me the emails etc. yet nothing was done about it.
Our status at USCIS was somehow getting out. Information which was to remain confidential was getting to a source and that source was sharing it with someone sharing that with Shelley Bedford and Andrea Roberts. We hired the top attorney in this field to help us fight this ridiculous decision. Our attorney had worked many many cases with situations that made ours look like a little sneeze. She, along with so many many other people, felt that this decision would be easily overturned once the evidence was presented. But somehow time after time anonymous calls were being made as to our family's ability to raise the children we have and were trying to adopt. In the end, we would not be granted an appeal and were told that we were not allowed to bring home Kelten and Teagan. Our lives were shattered. What was awful was that those who were involved in the adoption world, such as Shelley Bedford, Andrea Roberts, and Toni (facilitator in Bulgaria) were passing judgement and acting as if they were the ones to determine if our family would be able to take care of our children.
Toni even went so far as to email my very good friend and tell her what a terrible person I was and how dangerous I was and that I was stealing money from them in the name of their daughter. I had in fact set up a chip in just as I had done for other families and had been done for me to help offset some of the unexpected expenses of having a child so critically ill. Another friend as well as this friend were told that their adoptions would be jeopardized if they kept this chip in up and were associated with me because "the Burmans are a bad family." Once again, I have documentation of Toni's accusations of me yet she has none to back her up.
We would go on to adopt our sweet London Joy from Serbia thanks to the help of our good friend Leah Spring. She too went through terror with a corrupt facilitator utilized by RR in the country of Serbia. Thanks to Leah's courage that facilitator was stopped and adoptions took on a new and most honest roll in Serbia. No one knew of our adoption because we did not want RR or others to once again interfere.
Recently we announced our adoption of 3 children from Ukraine. Three children we did not know were on RR. We learned of our son and one daughter from Grace Haven with whom I was doing volunteer work and our second daughter from our friend Yvonne who actually spent time with when adopting her girls. It would take a miracle for us to afford this adoption and then one happened. It was announced to us that two of our children had substantial grants. Debbie from RR told Grace Haven to let the family know that there was a large grant and she would help that family to apply for it. I contacted Debbie as she requested but no response from her ever came. Instead I received a response from Michelle Zoromski telling me they knew we were adopting our son but not the two girls. In order to receive the grants we had to fill out their required 4 pages but also since we chose not to complete our adoption of the boys that we would have to give them additional documentation. I did not find this fair. At no time did we choose not to complete the boys' adoption. They were wrongfully taken from us. I communicated this and was told that if we did not do so we would not receive the grants. At no time did Andrea Roberts contact me herself yet she was cc'd on every email. Soon the rumor mill began in full force via the RR official chat room and other social media. How could the Burmans be given more grant money when they did not even repay the money from the boys? First of all, who said we did not repay the money from the boys? When people began to report this and talk about it Andrea responded by saying no family had sent in paperwork for the children's grant money and that was the first of it they had heard of yet Michelle said they (RR) knew we were adopting our son a couple months ago. So once again, information that is supposed to remain private is being shared. And since only one place knew of this it is easy to see the source of this violation. Also, I learn that Andrea Robert's facilitator in Ukraine, Serge, is going around questioning the other facilitators to find out if they are "Burman's facilitator and if so they need to contact him directly to discuss our adoption." What? Why does any facilitator need to clear anything with Serge and RR? The answer is: THEY DON'T! People this is supposed to be about children literally sometimes being rescued from death's doorsteps. We would not submit the additional documents that were not required of other families. Reece's Rainbow is not an adoption agency and does not need to have that additional information. The emails between Michelle, Andrea and I am sure other RR staff were going back and forth with us. Our intent was not to set up an FSP with RR so we did not need that assistance. We were also told that we needed to get a signed letter from every agency we were working with to raise funds saying how much we had raised and how much they had given us. Why? That is no relevance to the disbursal of grant funds which were designated to be that of the children we were petitioning to adopt. Again, RR is not an adoption agency. They also wanted permission to speak with USCIS and others regarding our adoption process. Again, we did not agree to that so we would not give it. They also wanted our home study and we did not feel comfortable nor did we trust RR with our private information. We were assured by Michelle that all information would remain confidential yet at that very moment RR was having their facilitator "investigate" our adoption in Ukraine. Our position remained firm and with the backing of others it was made clear that we would not be submitting our home study to RR. Michelle replied back with an email saying that we did not give them information and our application was not complete and unless we did so the grants would not be given to us. That information which was not complete was us giving RR permission to speak to USCIS or anyone about our adoption and the given names and birthdates of the children we were intending to adopt. WE were told we needed to give that information as well as the name of our facilitator in Ukraine so that RR could verify for our facilitator that they (our facilitator) had the correct children. Again, RR is not an adoption agency and that is not the job nor place of a ministry to do so. I replied that our facilitator had the correct children and did not need the assistance of RR to correctly identify our children.
Our name and reputations are once again being muddied. Friends of mine, at least I thought they were, who now "work" for RR will no longer even communicate with me or even publish my comments on their blog. We are being portrayed as a family who has "defrauded USCIS, our social worker and agency (with regards to Bulgaria)". Why? Why does an organization who has indeed found families for hundreds of children feel the need to do this to us and even to other families? We are not the only family this has happened to. But people are fearful to come forward for they know the ramifications on their pending adoptions. No, they are not cowards. They just don't feel the time is right when they are in the middle of an adoption. This tyranny needs to be stopped. No one here is God. No one here has the right to determine who should be the family for a child. And why do people feel the need to tear someone down just so they can look better? My post here tonight is not to tear people down but to share with the world that I am standing up for what is right. And what is right is that children deserve to come home to families not sit and linger in hell any longer just because someone or some others determine that family does not deserve that child.
I am hurt and I am tired of having my name and reputation turned into that of criminal. Not a single one of those people or anyone reading this has a right to pass judgement on me much less spread rumors or "I heards....." about me or my family. We are good people. We are loving people. We are not perfect but neither is anyone else. I laugh. I cry. I make mistakes. I try my best. Just as anyone of you do. People are making false judgements of me and my family but have they yet walked in my shoes? I am not asking if they hav e adopted. I am asking if they get up each morning and tip toe into my son's room, holding their breath. as they peer over his crib to see if he is still with them or do they cry as they watch Carrington pull all of the hair out of her head-literally to the root- because they can't figure out what it is that is causing her to do so or do they cry silent tears as they know their daughter was the victim of sexual abuse before the age of 5 and before she was adopted or do they spend hours trying to help their daughter learn how to crawl up a ladder just so she can play with the other kids? Do they? Do you? Did you know my pain as I sat there on a plane watching and knowing my Carrington was dying yet I could not do anything at that moment? Do you know how much it hurt for 15 months the fact that Carrington could not handle her own mommy or anyone else to hold her and comfort her? NO!! Andrea Roberts does not know MY pain and neither does Shelley Bedford, Toni, Elena, or Glennda, or Jenna. No they nor anyone else does because those are my shoes. I do not pretend I walk in their shoes nor do I pretend to be the only one who has pain as a mommy.
My heart is for my children and for those children who languish in places such as where my children came from. God never once said that man should determine who shall take care of His orphans. He simply said to take care of the orphans. So many people do just that in amazing ways. In ways I could not do such as moving to other countries to minister to the orphans and widows. I am no longer standing for the abuse that is going on in the adoption community by both those who say they are believers of Christ and those who choose not to. This is bullying and it needs to stop! I am not sharing this tonight because as one mom told me I owe it to those who donated money towards Kelten and Teagan's adoption. No. I am sharing this story tonight not to convince you I am a good person ( God knows I am and that is ALL that matters to me. I am not sharing this story so I can be in the cool group. I am sharing because this has to stop and I am doing something to stop it. For so long it looked as though those who were self proclaiming to be the judge and jury would never be stopped; that they would always be one step ahead. Well, my grandpa always told me that those who build themselves up so high always have the furthest to fall. It is a shame really. It is a shame that this happens when in fact there are more than enough children who are in dire need of families. Am I worried about ramifications of this post? No. I am no longer choosing to allow the fear of what RR or anyone else will do or is doing to control how I move forward on the journey God has called me to. The next time you feel inclined to believe the "I heards" or any particular person just because of what they say stop and think of how you would feel if that was being done unto you. And then stop and think how this is affecting a child who has been through hell of living in an orphanage and enduring years of abuse. Think of the children before you tear down the name and heart of someone who is trying to do their best to navigate the journey God has called them to.
I will not be publishing comments to this post. Feel free to leave them but know that I am not writing this for a response on my blog. If you feel like you have been a victim of this bullying please let me know. If you have been told to spread lies about other families please let me know. There are other organizations out there who are truly working in the best interests of the orphans and who are more than happy to help guide you to where you feel you would do best in carrying out God's command. I am at peace finally. Finally, I can say I am human. I made mistakes and will continue to do so but my heart is pure in my intent. I will always love Kelten and Teagan and they will always be my sons. I am the first person who told them they were loved. I only wish for their happiness and safety as they grow. Now our family's efforts are on completing the adoption of our new children and continuing to help those organizations with whom we share the beliefs of.
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