To journey down a road does not always give you a clear picture on what you will encounter on the way to your destination nor does it always mean that you will reach that particular destination. No guarantees. What?! You mean just because I know where I want to go and how I want to get there and when I want to get there does not always mean I will?! And thus part 2 of my rebirth.
As far back as I can remember I knew what I was going to be when I grew up. I was going to be a teacher and I was going to work with children with special needs. That was it! I was a volunteer for special Olympics for a few years, participated in every fundraiser for children with special needs, faithfully spent every Labor Day weekend watching the MDA telethon and giving whatever money I had at that time. This passion never settled well with my biological family. Not one person understood why I wanted to be around those children who weren't "normal". Quite often obstacles were put in my way to deter me from such thinking and passion. God knew. He knew I would need a determined personality and even a fighter spirit. My journey began.
.
Throughout time I fought hard to keep going on the road I chose but as we all know life does not always work out that way. Emotional and physical trials and tribulations I encountered were not always what I had planned but in my days recently I have discovered that all those were designed to make me who I am today. Perhaps to give me that unique perspective I would need for what God had planned for me. I can honestly say I did not always like what those experiences were at the time nor did I see why I had to endure them. This road was beginning to get tougher to navigate. DING DING DING!!! That right there was the key to my issue: I was trying to navigate this road by MYSELF because after all I had a plan and I was going to conquer that plan.
Starting in the fall of 2005 I was experiencing another perspective on the journey I was on. This perspective was with the meeting of my now husband and his proposal to spend the rest of my life traveling down the road of life with him. Our family soon began to take shape and life was in full speed for us. The throttle was in full speed. This journey was turning out pretty great. We soon found ourselves on a road known as adoption. On this road we would meet many fellow travelers heading to the same destination. We would share, encourage, laugh, and cry together on our journey. Some travelers stayed with us longer on the journey than others but each one left an imprint on my life. Our vehicle changed on this journey from a simple mini van to a full equipped handicap accessible 15 passenger van. This was not in my carefully mapped out plan but I was okay with this. Each stop we made along our journey brought more lessons for me to learn. Some of them I would learn right away and others would not come to fruition until I opened my acceptance to a different road map than I had originally created so many years ago. The title of this map slowly began to fade away to reveal a new title. Sort of like one of those puzzles you solve and each time you solve it a part of the puzzle was revealed.
As we left our last checkpoint I was absolutely certain that this journey was done for us and we would be heading to our final destination with smooth sailing. Our vehicle was full and my checklist was complete. Until the moment we reached a detour that sent our vehicle travelling in what seemed a backwards direction. I was fighting it. I knew what my journey was and there up ahead was my destination. I had my map. MY.MY. MY. Something was tapping away at my heart but my mind could not let my heart lead this journey. Yes I knew God was the ultimate tour guide but I was sure that I could handle this journey but He was welcome to join me. Right there is what my rebirth needed to be about. And soon it would be.
This journey was about to hit more potholes, detours, and closures than a road in an Eastern European country. This would be a time in which I would have to truly in my heart accept that a mustard seed of faith would be what I needed to finish. I found myself stranded on the side of the road never having reached this new destination. What happened? What about my diligence in following directions? What about all those who gave me guidance to arrive where I needed to? Where did all those potholes come from? I tried my best to avoid them. I was as careful as I could be in reading and following the directions. What happened? Looking back I can say my map was upside down and I was asking and trusting those whom had ungodly motives to guide me instead of the Master of the Road. That mustard seed seemed so small and unimportant now. I knew I did not have the Mount Kilimanjaro of faith so I guess this was what I got: stranded, isolated, and absent from my destination. But what about these potholes? Where did they come from? Wasn't I supposed to be on a detour to MY final destination? Yes I was but not to MY destination. These potholes and road closures came from those whose job was actually to help us on our journey, to make sure we understood the map and the detour. I trusted, I believed, I followed. But what I did not do was trust, believe, and follow the Master. Instead I chose to let these supposed "professionals" dictate how my journey would go and in their hopes; END. Well, I hit the ultimate in tragedies and did not see how I would ever be able to continue on a journey that brought such pain and at such a high price. My car stalled and my journey came to an abrupt halt despite my best efforts to employ all known practices that would once again have me up and running to the final destination.
I tried every avenue possible before I could accept this journey was now going to run a different course. That would take time and acceptance that taking the higher road, although not easier or faster, would ultimately bring me to the point I was intended to be at. Not the point I intended but the point that was intended for me. I struggled with the idea of taking a road which first of all I did not map out, one that was longer, and one that was not drawn on a map which would then call upon that mustard seed of faith that I would end up WHERE I was SUPPOSED to be. It took everything I had to ask for direction thus admitting I did not have a map with the right directions. That took so much for me to share with these people my mistakes in my travels and how I chose to listen to advice from those other than the Master. But the wondrous thing is these new travelers I found on this newly created journey was that they also shared a mustard seed of faith that our destinations were created just for us because He knew. My heart hurt for the would have beens I had envisioned for my journey. There was a pain I felt, at one point, would consume my very life. That was not to be on the Higher Road. The Higher Road would be full of those who were so carefully placed along the journey at just the point I would need them. Carefully. Lovingly, Purposefully. My journey along The Higher Road began.
1 comment:
Thank you for sharing your journey, Shelly. Love you!
Post a Comment