What If?...

Has anyone ever just stopped and thought "WHAT IF?..." Or are some of us always saying "WHAT IF?..." In my life I have often thought "WHAT IF?..." more times than I needed to and not because God has done things to me. I have thought "WHAT IF?..." because I chose to follow my own lead so I could be in control, know what was going to happen, be prepared at all times. My choices and actions have not always been positive (let me preface this by saying no I am not a criminal just in case the USCIS is reading my blog) and then there are times I wonder about the grass being greener on the other side. I have always believed in God but my actions did not always show it. Quite often I was looking for meaning and validation in my world yet I never found it. Instead I often found myself more lonely and more confused. I would listen to the world about who I should be, what I should do, where I should live etc.. Now I truly do believe God allows us to make our own choices and that He does not bring harm to us. He let me make the choices I thought were the ones I needed to. I am sure it hurt Him when I did not choose His way. I can see that now; not then. So many times I wondered why certain things were or were not happening in my life. I wondered "what if I had accepted my Grandparent's gift to stay with them and go to college? What if I had tried harder to go to that college I always wanted to go? What if I had not moved to such and such place? What if I had only dated so and so and not so and so? What if I had not taken that job? What if I had not gone to breakfast instead of going straight to the hospital?" WHAT IF?... Those two little words have caused more sleepless nights than I care to imagine. I cannot change the past. Every time I made a choice God knew. He knew and He still kept His course for me.

I am 40 years old and it has just been in the past 3 years that I have truly begun to surrender to what God wants for my life and not what I have scheduled in my day planner. To surrender has not been easy for this person who has let fear control how she lives. I still have a long way to go. Yes it is simple. It's just hard!

What if I had not said yes about moving here to Texas? Well then I would not have...

Met my amazing husband who blessed me with a most vivacious son and...

I would not be watching my daughter celebrate her 14th birthday with her best friend of 14 years who flew out as a surprise for Madelaine's birthday.

What if I had not listened to that feeling that I needed to call and pray for a sweet little boy we heard was born way too early and needed prayer?...

Then I never would have become Mason Quaid Burman's mommy.

What if I had given up after Mason passed away and told God no way when He gently guided my heart to orphans with special needs? What if I had told Him that there was no way I could come up with $32, 000 to bring children with special needs into my home and heart?...
Then I would never watch as the triplets enjoy the simplest of all life's pleasures: playing in a swimming pool on a hot summer day. I would not have the privilege of seeing 3 very broken children grow, learn, and love.

What if I had told God "are you kidding me? You cannot possibly expect me to go back there and go through all that again when I just came home with 3 very needy children! We have no money."

Then I would not be looking at my two youngest daughters sitting pretty in pink with their big sister (now that is hard to explain when the oldest sister is not the biggest in size :) ). I would not have watched as my youngest daughter literally was saved just hours from death and now has captured the heart of thousands of people she has never even met nor would I be watching as my other daughter stands on her feet thanks to the most skilled and caring doctors at Scottish Rite Hospital.

What if I kept my focus on how much I could save if I only went for this career and if I didn't become Mom to 8 children?

Then I would not have been able to tell you tonight just how I am the most blessed Mommy in all the Earth and that I have found my true and complete JOY!!

What if I listened to those who told me I needed to stop adopting and take care of the children I already have? What if I had not agreed with my husband that we would leave our hearts and homes open to adoption according to God's will and not our own?

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Then I would have missed out on the call that would bring two more precious boys into my life to be called my sons.

Don't miss out on God's call. Don't wonder "what if?..." Just sit in awe of God's plan and say YES!! It is simple. It's just hard. But oh my the blessings that come forth from God are so overwhelming it does not matter what the world thinks. It does not matter if you have your whole network of people standing behind you and cheering you on because God is the only one we need to stand with. That does not mean you don't want your network of people to be happy and encouraging because that is our nature. It just means that God's calling is not always comfortable to us or others but it is His plan and He knows the end result. God never wonders "WHAT IF?..."