Every year I drove to see her,EVERY YEAR except this year:(( Oh how my heart hurts right now. I simply could not get up there this year. Not because I was busy but because of the girls having their surgeries and the frailty of Carrington needing to be close to her doctors. I did not get to give her a kiss and a hug nor sit at the base of her recliner. And most importantly she did not get to meet her newest great granddaughters. My girls will not ever have a picture with their Great Grandma. All because I could not get up there this year. I was never too busy to go see her but this year my attention had to be at home. I don't get to hear her voice every weekend when I would call to see if she was staying out of trouble there in Hemingford. What will I do when Thanksgiving rolls around and it is time for me to call and pretend I need her expert advice on how to cook some Thanksgiving related dish just so I could pretend it was made by her? Grandma is the least modern Grandma I know but she did (for the first time in her life) go to her friend's house and get on the computer to look at my blog. I had only mentioned one particular post but a few days later she called me and told me she had read the blog from the beginning of Carrington's journey right up to that moment. You see she loved my children but in her day they just did not grow up with children with special needs so she really was not aware of all the joy I have as a mom nor how my children could grow up to become productive members of society. But this day, I will remember forever, she told me "I read your blog and now I understand. " I have never claimed I am the best mom but my Grandma always told me how proud she was of me and how I take care of my children. I had plans of taking the girls up to meet her so they too could have the famous pictures I have always taken of my children with her on her davenport (as she called the sofa) but now I have nothing to put in Carrington's album.
Grandma was loved by all of my friends. At some point in time she has met them and got to know them. I always was talking about my Grandma and my friends who never even met her said they felt like they had met her in person because of how much I talked of her. I wanted her to hold Carrington and see our little miracle. I wanted Reagan to be able to tell her Great Grandma "Hi, I love you!" with her big toothless grin. But now they won't and that is why my heart is hurting. I need my Grandma. My children need their Great Grandma! I truly believe she is enjoying being reunited with my Grandpa and even meeting her Great Grandson, my sweet baby Mason but I want her here to call me. I want to share with her all the wonderful things my children are doing. The continued joys I experience as a Mommy. I know Grandma was 93 but she still had all her "faculties" (as she would say) about her. She just could not get around any more and that was hard for her. Her and I are so alike.
I love you Grandma! Thank you for always believing in me and loving me for who I am! I will miss you!